We just moved, um. I called UPS to ask them to help out with some boxes.
They are good service but you have to have information ready about your boxes before you even call them. I had no idea.
I called them up “yeah, I have (uh) ten boxes, if you could come and pick em up.”
“We need to know the weight and the girth.”
“Ok, good bye.” [Hang up]
So I called back. “We need the weight and the girth.”
“Ok I don’t know what the weight is and (um) I don’t know what girth means. So now what’s the procedure?”
So this guy talks to me like I’m four years old. “Well, do you have a bathroom scale?”
“Um, yeah, but if I put the box on the scale, it’s gonna cover up the numbers. What do I take 'em off really quick? Ah, zero. I’m not fast enough....''
"What’s he talking about?”
So then he gives me like his Mr. Wizard formula. “How about if you stand on the scale and weigh yourself, get off the scale, pick up box, get back on, weigh you with the box together and subtract your own weight.”
I’m going... “slow down! Hold on, Professor.”
I know this guy has never tried this cuz I tried it and you still can’t see the numbers.
What am I, Mr. Olympics? Three pounds.
Then I had to hang up in the middle of his girth formula. He kept assuring me it was easy. “You know the girth is very simple to figure out, you take the length and you double that by the smaller of the height after you triangulate the hypotenuse of the third side”
“Ok I gotta go, I’m getting another call. Yeah, I’m too stupid to talk to you. I just...not want to be on with you any longer.”
So, then I tried to call back and make up a few numbers. Let him come out and pick em up. If it’s wrong, I’ll pay the difference. Dispatch the truck!
So, I called back, “yeah I have (uh) 10 boxes, and ... no I’m another guy and they all weigh exactly 22 pounds and they all have a girth of 3.”
“Three girth units." 三個周長單位。
Come pick 'em up, please! I’m begging you. They’re boxes and they’re brown and they have tape all on them and they probably fit on a dolly. Why must you torture me?
這是美國Brian Regan的另一個脫口秀(talk show)。
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